GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND JOKES; FLIRTING JOKES; HUSBAND WIFE JOKES; LOVE JOKES; DIRTY AND SEX JOKES; MARRIED COUPLE JOKES; MARRIAGE JOKES; JOKES FOR GIRLFRIEND; JOKES FOR BOYFRIEND; GIRL JOKES; BOY JOKES; HIS HER JOKES; SEXY JOKES; SEXUAL JOKES; LOVE FRIENDSHIP JOKES

18+ JOKES; SEXUAL JOKES

18+ JOKES; LOVE JOKES; GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND JOKES; FLIRTING JOKES; LOVE JOKES FOR GIRLFRIEND; LOVE JOKES FOR BOYFRIEND; JOKES AND SMS FOR GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND; LOVE QUOTATIONS JOKES; INTERESTING LOVE JOKES; FREE LOVE JOKES; HUSBAND WIFE LOVE JOKES; GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND LOVE JOKES; MARRIAGE AND COUPLE JOKES; AFTER MARRIAGE JOKES; BEFORE MARRIAGE JOKES; 18+ JOKES; ADULT JOKES; ADULT AND SEXY JOKES; SEXUAL JOKES; SEX JOKES; SEX AND SEXY JOKES; DIRTY SEX JOKES; DIRTY JOKES
  1. A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
    They 
    are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, know you'll forgive me."
    She replies, "If your penis is as hard as 
    your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

    .
  2. A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated 
    next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he 
    notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it 
    and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. .
    It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and 
    Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is 
    Jill. > > What's > >  yours?" He coolly replies, > >  "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
    .
  3. In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him:
    - John, why aren’t you writing?
    - I’m exhausted because of sex.
    - That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.
    .
  4. Two friends:
    - Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
    - Of course! How many people are coming?
    - Three, if you bring your girlfriend.
    .
  5. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his Wife on  the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: 
    > > I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. 
    few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers 
    in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
    .
  6. One man calls emergency:
    - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!
    After five minutes, the same man calls back:
    - It is OK, I found another one.
    .
  7. Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
    - Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
    - You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
    After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
    - Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
    - Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.
    .
  8. COMING MORE
    .
  9. COMING MORE
    .
  10. COMING MORE
    .
  11. COMING MORE
    .
  12. COMING MORE
  13. A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband:
  14. - Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
  15. COMING MORE
  16. Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
    A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
    Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?
    A. A navel.
    Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
    A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
    Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
    A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
    Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?
    A. A Klondike Bar
    Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
    Q. Why don't women wear watches?
    A. There's a clock on the stove!
    Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
    A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
    Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
    A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
    .
    Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
    A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
    Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
    A. They both like a tight seal.
    Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
    A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
    Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
    A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
    Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
    A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.
    Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
    A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
    Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
    A. Love doesn't last forever.
    Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
    A. Call her and tell her.
    Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
    A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
    Q. Why do women have small feet?
    A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
    Q. Why do men die before their wives?
    A. They want to.
    Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
    A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
    Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?
    A. ET phoned home.
    Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
    A. It doesn't need cleaning.
    Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
    A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
    Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
    A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
    Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
    A. Brothel sprouts.
    Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
    A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
    Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?
    A. Clitty litter
    Q. I married Miss Right.
    A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
    Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
    A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
    Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
    A. He's smoking a cigarette.
    Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
    A. He worked it out with a pencil.
    Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
    A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
    Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
    A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving
    Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
    A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
    Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
    A. "Is it in?"
    Q. What is the cheapest meat?
    A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
    Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
    A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
    Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
    A. The captains log.
    Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
    A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
    Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
    A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
    Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
    A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
    Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
    A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.


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HINDI JOKES, INDIAN JOKES, LATEST HINDI JOKES, SMS JOKES, JOKES AND SMS, URDU JOKES, PUNJABI JOKES, SANTA BANTA JOKES, SANTA JOKES, BIHARI JOKES, HINDI ENGLISH JOKES, HINDI FONT JOKES; HINDUSTANI JOKES, BHARAT JOKES; BHARTIYE JOKES, हिंदी चुटकुले, हिंदी जोक्स, पंजाबी जोक्स, इंडियन जोक्स, हिंदी जोक्स और एस एम् एस, भारत के प्रसिद्ध चुटकुले - जोक्स, संता बनता जोक्स, मुन्नी जोक्स, फ़िल्मी जोक्स, लड़का लड़की जोक्स - चुटकुले, पति पत्नी के चुटकुले, साऊथ इंडियन जोक्स, हरयाणा जोक्स, उत्तर प्रदेश जोक्स;

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HINDI JOKES - हिंदी चुटकुले -  WORLD WIDE, हिंदी जोक्स, INDIAN JOKES - इंडियन जोक्स, - WORLD WIDE, LATEST HINDI JOKES, SMS JOKES, JOKES AND SMS,

URDU JOKES, PUNJABI JOKES, SANTA BANTA JOKES, SANTA JOKES, BIHARI JOKES, HINDI ENGLISH JOKES, HINDI FONT JOKES; HINDUSTANI JOKES, BHARAT JOKES; BHARTIYE JOKES, पंजाबी जोक्स, हिंदी जोक्स और एस एम् एस, भारत के प्रसिद्ध चुटकुले - जोक्स, संता बनता जोक्स, मुन्नी जोक्स, फ़िल्मी जोक्स, लड़का लड़की जोक्स - चुटकुले, पति पत्नी के चुटकुले, साऊथ इंडियन जोक्स, हरयाणा जोक्स, उत्तर प्रदेश जोक्स

Zoo Jokes

  1. A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the Zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" ............. The kangaroo said, ----- ------- About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night :-)
  2. One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?.............. "Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."


  3. The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."...... He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."...... Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
  4. Father and son standing outside the elephant's cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, --------- If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us :-) 
  5. Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out :-)
  6. Friend 1 - "I was in the zoo last week" ------ Friend 2 ---- "Really? Which cage were you in?" ---  :-) 
  7. I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?
  8. Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?"  ------- "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."
  9. Fred's class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York. "Did you enjoy yourself?" asked her mother when she got home. -------- "Oh, yes," replied Fred. "But it was funny going to a dead zoo."
  10. Fred was definitely more than a bit dumb; when his pal asked him how he had enjoyed his day at the zoo, he replied, "it was a total con! I saw a sign that said To The Monkeys, so I followed it and saw the monkeys. Then I saw another sign that said To The Bears, so I followed that and saw the bears. But when I followed a sign that said To the Exit, I found myself out on the street."
  11. There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, his truck breaks down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him..................... k
    The next day the original truck driver arrives in town and sees the new truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him. .........................
    The original truck driver jumps out of his truck and asks, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"......................
    The new truck driver responds, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."


  12. The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR ---  :-)
  13. A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. ....... Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. ................ Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." .............."Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. .................. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.
  14. Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. "Go and clean out the aquarium" he was told. ............. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. "Throw them to the lions" said the head keeper, "the lions will eat anything". So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lion's cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. ............... He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. "Dont worry" said the head keeper, "just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything". So the young man returns to the ape house and throws the dead animals into the lions cage....... Returning again for instructions, he is told to go along and help clean up the insect house. Busy cleaning out one off the exotic hives, he notices that all the bees have died. ............ "I know what to do", he thinks to himself "I'll throw them all to the lions, as the lions will eat anything", whereupon he brushes them all up and throws them into the lion cage. The next day, the zoo obtains a new lioness. The lioness is walking around the new cage for the first time, and starts asking the other lions what things are like here. "Hows the accommodation?", she asks. "Fine" comes the reply from one lion. "And whats the food like?" she asks. .......... "Not bad" replies another, "yesterday, we had fish, chimps and mushy bees".
  15. My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, "If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!"
  16. "Hey, Pop," pleaded Angelo, "can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?" .... What's the matter with you?" asked his father. ........"Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?"
  17. Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar. ....... "Let's get out of here!" said Sauer. ....... "Go on, if'n you want to," said the other redneck. "But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie"
  18. Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo. The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, lept to the ground and kissed her. Then he went back into his cage, straightened the bars and resumed thumping on his massive chest. The nouns met again a week later and one of the nouns asked her friend,"I have one question.Did he sent flowers afterwards...?"
  19. Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying to call the zoo for hours! ........ Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!
  20. A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages
    "An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper.
    "Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply.
    "A moose !!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if that's a moose then they must ha' rats the size of elephants over there !"
  21. FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?......................... BERT: No, what happened?......... FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . ..... BERT: What did you do?...... FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.


  22. What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?....... In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.


  23. Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left. ....... "So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned home....... "Great," Little Jordan replied......... "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked Elaine.........
    "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan, excitedly,
    "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1  :-)
  24. What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?............................ Nothing, he didn't recognize them
  25. Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my elephants"............ Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"................ Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read...... !" ===  :-)
  26. You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you?....... No. They can't afford the admission.
  27.  This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you!" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge. The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.
  28. Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. "Go and clean out the aquarium" he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. "Throw them to the lions" said the head keeper, "the lions will eat anything". So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lion's cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. "Dont worry" said the head keeper, "just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything". So the young man returns to the ape house and throws the dead animals into the lions cage. Returning again for instructions, he is told to go along and help clean up the insect house. Busy cleaning out one off the exotic hives, he notices that all the bees have died. "I know what to do", he thinks to himself "I'll throw them all to the lions, as the lions will eat anything", whereupon he brushes them all up and throws them into the lion cage. The next day, the zoo obtains a new lioness. The lioness is walking around the new cage for the first time, and starts asking the other lions what things are like here. "Hows the accommodation?", she asks. "Fine" comes the reply from one lion. "And whats the food like?" she asks. "Not bad" replies another, "yesterday, we had fish, chimps and mushy bees".
  29. The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience." He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience." Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."
  30. Q. Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
    A. It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
  31. Q. What do you call a gorilla wearing ear muffs?
    A. Anything you want, he can't hear you.
  32. Q. What do gorillas eat for lunch?
    A. A go-rilled cheese sandwich.
  33. Q. What's furry, black and white, and never wants to grow up?
    A. Peter Pan-da
  34. Q. Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
    A. He wanted to hide in an apple tree.
  35. Q. Why are elephants so wrinkled?
    A. Have you ever tried to iron one?
  36. A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.

    He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
    The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
    The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
    "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
    The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
    "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
    "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
  37. A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they ll go?” The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”
  38. This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on theback of his head with a huge frying pan.
    Man: "What was that for?"
    Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name
    Marylou written on it?"
    Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?
    Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."
    The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.
    Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she
    repeats the frying pan swatting.
    Man: "What the hell was that for this time?"
    Wife: "Your horse called."